


It’ll always be me (even if without you)

by moonagestar



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Non-Magical, Bookshop Owner Remus Lupin, Bookstores, Fluff, Getting Together, Humor, M/M, Meet-Cute, Sirius Black & Lily Evans Potter Friendship, Waffles
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-14
Updated: 2021-01-19
Packaged: 2021-03-06 15:28:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,967
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26431153
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moonagestar/pseuds/moonagestar
Summary: When his best friend moves to another continent, and his new roommate won't stop watching the same movie, meeting a handsome stranger at a bookshop might just be the thing Sirius needs.
Relationships: Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 20
Kudos: 56





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Special thanks to Katt for betaing the first few chapters and to Sophie for the endless encouragement and support <3

It was fair to say that, in many senses, autumn was the ideal season. The weather is nice, you can wear comfy sweaters and there's Halloween. What’s not to love? 

If Sirius had to describe the season in one word, it would be nostalgia. Almost anything that had meant something in his life had happened in autumn. The moment he met his best friend, the first time he kissed a boy, the day he ran away from home... It was all things that had made him learn what it meant to be loved. 

But Sirius knew it didn’t have to do with the season. The only other thing that all those days had in common was the person that had made them important: James. 

Which is why an autumn without James sounded like the worst news Sirius could receive.

He was the first person James told about the job. It was one Thursday in the middle of July. He had shown up with beer to Sirius’ place and they sat on the roof. After the first bottles were done, he broke the news.

“When are you leaving?” Was all Sirius asked.

“In two weeks,” James swallowed. “I don’t know how to tell Lily.”

“New York is not that far,” Sirius sighed. “Just an ocean away.”

“Just around the corner.”

According to James, Lily took the news better than expected. They agreed that they were mature enough not to make a drama out of it and decided to make the best out of James’ last two weeks in London, then remain friends while the distance was an issue. That’s what Lily suggested it was best for their relationship.

It seemed weird to Sirius how composed Lily acted during those last two weeks. While Sirius had a permanent puppy face every time he saw James, she looked as if nothing had happened.

Sirius knew the truth as soon as he saw the tears leave her eyes once James disappeared behind the airport’s doors. He pulled her into his arms, and they stayed in the silent embrace until Lily cried it all out. He didn’t drop a tear, not there.

***

Lily and Sirius had never been particularly close. 

The fact that her relationship with James had started as a friends with benefits deal in which she had been firm about not having time for anything other than sex, had meant James kept her separated from the rest of people in his life. Including Sirius. 

The day they officially met Sirius had gone home early after being stood up by the bloke he was seeing at the time. James hadn’t mentioned anything about bringing someone home, which they usually told each other to avoid incidents such as finding James and Lily in the middle of shagging on their couch.

“You better get that cleaned. I refuse to sit in your crusty cum,” Sirius said once Lily had left.

“As if I even got the chance to do that,” James argued and went for a glass of water. “Thank you, by the way.”

“You’re most welcome.”

Sirius’ stomach grumbled loud enough for James to hear. “Wasn’t your date taking you to dinner?”

“Do you really think I would have interrupted your love making if he had?” Sirius rolled his eyes and grabbed a bag of chips from the pantry. “Who was that redhead anyway?”

“Just a friend,” James shrugged, trying not to give it too much importance. The smirk he was trying to hide told a different story.

They didn’t bother to keep sneaking around after that. More often than not, Sirius would find the pair having breakfast when Lily spent the nights over the weekends or finding them watching movies very cosily on the couch when coming back from work. It gradually morphed into Lily’s things invading their bathroom and kitchen and by the time Sirius was about to point out that she was pretty much living there rent free, James announced they were searching for a flat together.

Sirius had always spent most of his free time on hanging out with James, which didn’t really change after James moved out. They might not have been seeing each other daily anymore, but they met up at least once a week, if not more. And Lily was there most of the time. Yet he didn’t really know anything about her, other than what James would tell him.

If someone had told him that they’d make the decision to live under the same roof without their only thing common in sight, he wouldn’t have believed it.

And yet, that’s exactly what they were doing.

When he entered the flat, he didn’t have to guess where the piano music that greeted him came from. He had almost learned it by memory at that point.

Spread out on their couch, Lily was sitting with a blue blanket covering her lap and a bucket of ice cream in her hands. Her red hair was put up in a messy bun and she was wearing a scarlet red sweater that Sirius was pretty sure used to belong to James.

“Sirius! You arrived just in time. The movie just started,” she said seeing Sirius depositing his leather jacket on one of the chairs of the living room.

“Oh, let me guess which one it is.” Sirius held his chin as if thinking. “ _Eternal Sunshine of the_ Fucking _Spotless Mind_.”

“Wow, you finally learned the title.”

“Lily, it’s the seventh time you’ve watched that movie this month.” 

“So? It’s my favourite movie.”

“Only because it involves people getting rid of their ex’s memories.” He grabbed the remote that laid on the coffee table and turned the TV off.

“What the fuck!” Lily yelled.

“Get ready, we’re going out.”

“I don’t want to.” Lily crossed her arms.

“Well, I do.” Sirius mimicked Lily’s gesture. “Look, you promised me we were going to do all sorts of fun roomies stuff if I let you move in with me, which I know you did because you were too lazy to search for a flatmate, not because you particularly like me, but here we are and yet the only fun thing we’ve done is buying ice cream that only _you_ eat.”

“You really make me sound like an awful person.”

“I didn’t say that,” Sirius sighed. “I understand things are not the best right now, and that’s why we should go out and do something fun. Even if it’s just to buy a different DVD, because I swear I’m just going to end up hating Kate Winslet and you know how much I love _Titanic_. We can’t afford that happening.”

“And last thing I want is to hear you whining about that,” she stood up from the couch and made her way to her room. Sirius rolled his eyes and threw himself on the couch while he waited.

“Also, Sirius,” she called before reaching her doorstep.

“Yeah?” He raised his head to see her.

“I do like you. I’m sorry that I’ve given you the impression that I don’t.”

He tried to hide it, but that brought a tiny smile on his face. “Thank you.”

Lily smiled back at him and went to get changed.

He convinced her they needed to try waffles in this beautiful place he had seen on his way home from work the week prior. The good thing about never following the same route was that he always could find new things on his path. The bad thing was that he would always forget what path he had taken.

“Sirius, we’re lost.” Lily stopped in her tracks

But Sirius didn’t want to admit defeat yet. “Let’s walk a bit more. Maybe it’s around that corner.”

“You don’t even remember the name. This is stupid.”

He wanted to be mad at Lily for calling it stupid, but he knew she was right and if he insisted on keep looking for the place it would just be his pride talking. Wandering around in London’s weather wasn’t exactly the fun he expected to have. “Okay, what about we just turn on that corner and we enter whichever is the first shop that we see?”

“Fine by me,” Lily nodded, and they took off again.

And that’s how they found themselves at an old bookshop. 

It wouldn’t have been Sirius’ first choice in any other scenario, but the place looked small and cosy, so they gave it a shot. It was basically a hallway filled with books on its walls that went from the floor to the ceiling, and a wooden staircase at the back, from where a pair of long legs could be seen.

“Ooh! Maybe I can find that romance novel my mom has been bugging me to get her,” Lily said and went straight to the back of the shop.

With nothing better to do, Sirius got close to one of the shelves and felt some of the spines with his fingertips. He rarely took time to go to bookshops, well, he rarely took time to even read anymore. When he was a kid it was one of the only things that gave him comfort, not only had it distracted him from the fights, but it also helped in getting his parents to ignore him. At least most of the time.

“May I help you?” Sirius turned around towards the voice and his jaw dropped. In front of him there was the most beautiful man he had ever seen. He was tall and thin with short brown curls nestled in his hair, he was wearing a grey sweater that looked a little too big on him and a pair of black pants. Sirius couldn’t take his eyes away; he was sure he could just stay the rest of his life standing there watching the man simply existing. He was also sure that sounded a little bit creepy.

“Are you alright?” Asked the guy with a frown after not getting any answer for too long.

“Yes! Brilliant!” Sirius said with way too much enthusiasm. “I’m looking for... Um...” Why had he suddenly forgotten all the words to ever exist?

“Sirius! I found it,” Lily called to him, while she walked towards the pair, her eyes diverted to the other man and raised her eyebrow at him. “Well, hello…”

“Remus. I work here, if it wasn’t obvious enough by the lack of anybody else,” he smiled at Lily. “Do any of you need help?”

“Yes,” Sirius replied instantly. Both Lily and Remus stared at him while he kept nodding with no indication on adding anything else.

“You probably want to elaborate on that, I don’t think Remus here can read minds,” Lily said.

“I was testing him, you never know,” he forced a laugh. Could this get any worse? “Zombies.” Apparently, it could.

“Zombies?” Remus asked.

“Yes, zombies. Fascinating creatures. Do you have any books on them?”

“There’s... A few. I’ll show you.”

Despite the weirdness of the whole interaction, Remus took very seriously the task of finding him a good zombies’ book. Sirius noted that this guy wasn’t just looks, he had a way with words that made something like giving recommendations about dead living creatures sound like the most fascinating thing Sirius had ever heard. 

“Even if it sounds silly, I think it’s a really compelling story,” Remus concluded his speech on why _Pride and Prejudice and Zombies_ was a brilliant retelling no matter what other people thought.

“I guess we have a winner,” Sirius said with an applause. 

“Great!” Remus smiled. “Is there anything else I can help you with?”

“No!” Lily practically shouted, making the other two look at her in confusion. “I mean, we’ll just pay for these. Right, Sirius?”

Remus chuckled. “I can help you with that as well.” 

After paying on the counter, Remus gave them the books back with their receipt.

“I hope you enjoy the book,” he said to Sirius.

“You too. Wait, you already read it, I shouldn’t have said that, uh… You can enjoy life, I guess. I hope you enjoy life!” 

“Thank you so much, Remus. Have a nice day,” Lily said and took Sirius by the arm dragging him out of the place. 

“Please tell me I’m just having a bad dream and that whole thing didn’t happen,” Sirius said.

“Nope. Definitely happened.”

“Can we go home, eat ice cream and pretend today didn’t exist?”


	2. Chapter 2

After the whole bookshop fiasco, they made their way home in order to watch Titanic, with the theory that it would probably make Sirius feel too sad to care anymore about the whole incident. 

It proved to be quite the contrary. 

“I’ll never have someone that draws me like one of their French girls,” Sirius said.

“I can give you a French braid if that makes you feel better,” Lily offered.

Sirius turned his back to Lily and she got to work. 

“I should have just straight up walked in and introduced myself with: Hello, handsome being who’s totally out of my league, my name is Sirius ‘huge fucking clown’ Black. Nice to meet you!” 

“Come on, it wasn’t _that_ bad,” Lily said.

“How can you call making a complete fool of myself in front of the man of my dreams ‘not that bad’? You should have stopped me!”

“It was more fun to hear you rambling about how fascinating zombies are,” she said laughing at the memory. “Besides, he wouldn’t have dedicated half an hour to indulging your new zombie obsession if he didn’t fancy you a little bit.”

“He’s just too nice.”

“And smart.”

“And fucking hot. Oh my god. All I could think was how much I wanted to be pinned by him against those shelves.”

“You _need_ to get his number.”

“I think I’ve embarrassed myself enough, no thank you.”

“Aw, baby.” Lily wrapped her arms around his waist, resting her chin on his shoulder. “Don’t be too sad, at least you succeeded at making me feel better.”

“I’m glad you love my misery so much,” he said rolling his eyes.

She chuckled. “For real, though. Thank you.”

Sirius smiled and squeezed one of her hands. “Anytime.”

They ate some leftovers for dinner and put on the first series they found on Netflix. By the second episode, Sirius noticed Lily had fallen asleep on his shoulder. He gently removed himself to lay her down and went for a blanket to cover her. After turning everything off, he made it to his bedroom and called James.

“Isn’t it late over there?” James answered.

“Yeah, I was watching a series with Lily.”

“How is she?” James asked with a tone of concern.

“Frankly… I’m starting to worry a bit,” Sirius said.

“What should I do? She keeps texting me, but I feel that just upsets her more.”

“Just give her time. Today was actually pretty nice, we went out and–”

A noise interrupted him from James’ end. He heard his friend shouting something in the distance. “Sorry, mate, I have to get going. The lads from the office are taking me to this fancy ass club. They are all betting they can outdrink me.”

“Hah, Americans.”

“Easy money. Anyway, call me tomorrow?”

“Sure.”

All their conversations had been slowly falling into the same line. He had tried to blame it on James being busy, always told himself they would eventually find the time. But each conversation just became shorter, and it reduced to the one question. How’s _she_? How’s _she_ doing? How’s _she_ holding up? 

And he didn’t mind talking about Lily. Really, he didn’t. Would have he preferred that James asked him how he was doing for a change? Sure. And maybe actually listening to what he had to say, or just perhaps making the effort of being the one to call. 

When James left, he hadn’t shed a tear. He had told himself things wouldn’t really change, because it was James they were talking about. But now, laying alone in his bed staring at the screen of his phone, the tears started coming and they wouldn’t stop.

***

One night in their first year at boarding school, he had woken up crying from a nightmare. He put the pillow over his face trying to drown any sound as he had learned to do at his own house. 

“Are you okay?” A timid voice said. Sirius pulled the pillow from his head to find James standing with a worried face.

“Just a nightmare,” Sirius answered, trying to clean his face with his sleeves.

“I used to get them all the time, would sneak to my parents’ bed frightened.”

“They let you sleep with them?”

“Yes, of course.”

“Does it help?”

“It makes you feel safer, I guess,” James said. “I can stay with you if you want.”

“You don’t mind?” Sirius asked.

“Just return the favour if I ever get a nightmare myself, deal?”

Sirius nodded and made space for the other boy. They fell back to sleep quickly, and he found James had been right, he did feel safer with him.

***

The next day, he woke up to the smell of pancakes. 

“Morning!” Lily said with a big smile once Sirius entered the kitchen.

“If I knew seeing me getting publicly embarrassed would put you in such a great mood, I would have done that sooner,” he said.

“It’s not that.” She flipped a pancake with easiness. “I realized I’ve been a very shitty friend and I wanted to make it up.”

“Aw, Evans. I didn’t know you had the capability of showing me affection!”

“Shut up or I’ll eat your breakfast.”

Sirius prepared coffee for both of them while Lily finished cooking. Lily sat down crossed legged on the counter, while Sirius took the only chair they had in the kitchen.

“We need to come out with a plan,” Lily said while smearing Nutella on her tower of pancakes.

“Plan for what?” Sirius asked.

“For your next encounter with hot bloke from bookshop.”

“He has a name.”

“That’s so sweet, you already defend him and everything.”

Sirius rolled his eyes and sipped his coffee, he grimaced at its bitterness noticing that he had forgotten to add any sweet to it. “Better make yourself useful and pass me the sugar.”

Lily reached out for the sugar that was beside her, but before it could get to Sirius' hands, she pulled it away. “Oh no, I’m not letting you change the subject.”

He groaned. “Why are you so obsessed with this?”

“I’m not obsessed. This is just the only interesting thing that has happened in the past month,” she said and finally gave him the sugar. “Besides, when was the last time you dated someone?”

The truth was Sirius had never actually dated anyone. He had had his fair share of failed dates, a few decent ones that also made it into decent sex had turned into casual flings, but that had been the length of it.

He had never cared much about it, he was content with how his life was. Although he had to admit that seeing James and Lily together made him wonder how nice would it be to have a relationship like theirs.

“Fine.”

Lily raised an eyebrow. “Really? Just like that?”

Sirius nodded and kept eating while Lily stared at him, not seeing any signal that he was going to add anything else.

“Stop!” Lily shouted. “This isn’t fun if you just agree and pretend it’s meaningless.” 

“Do you want me to keep arguing with you?”

“No,” she said with a sad face. “Just keep talking to me.”

Sirius sighed. He realized that even if the situation was a bit ridiculous, it had finally opened a window in their friendship, and he was being a bit of an arsehole by shutting Lily off when she was only trying to bond with him. “Alright, Evans,” he grinned. “What techniques should I use to go and get this man?”

“Now we’re talking,” she said with a full smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Any comments/kudos are appreciated!  
> You can also find me on [Tumblr](https://moonagestar.tumblr.com) :)


	3. Chapter 3

Both Lily and Sirius had agreed waiting a week to go back to the bookshop was enough to not make him look completely desperate. Though he had to admit it had been the only thing on his mind during all those days.

“Are you still sure this is a good idea?” he asked Lily while putting on his jacket almost ready to head out.

“Yes. Now leave and don’t come back if you don’t have his number,” she said pushing him out of the flat.

When he got to the place, he could see Remus’ figure in the back through the glass. He was focused on sorting some books and didn’t notice Sirius staring from outside. He was about to grasp the door’s handle but decided to calm himself first by walking around the block. 

By the seventh time he passed the bookshop, an old lady who was sitting on the bench in front of it shouted at him.

“Are you lost, son?”

Sirius stopped in his tracks looking as if he had been caught doing something sketchy.

“No, I’m just–” he said. 

“If you are, there’s a fine young man that works here who can help you,” she said waving at the shop’s window. “There he is.”

Remus waved back at her and headed outside, making a confused expression when he noticed Sirius.

“Oh, hi,” Remus smiled. “It’s you again.”

“He’s been here walking around for the past half hour, I suggest you take the first step, dear, this one doesn’t know how to,” the woman said to Remus before Sirius could even react.

“I got it, Minnie,” Remus winked at her. “Would you fancy coming in, Sirius?”

The fact that Remus even remembered his name took him by surprise, but he nodded, not wanting to add on anything that could worsen the whole situation. He followed the other inside, not before turning back and giving a dirty look to the lady, who was containing her laughter still at the bench.

“I’m sorry about the other day and about what just happened,” Sirius said once they were inside. “Apparently I can’t stop finding new ways to embarrass myself when I’m nervous.”

“Do I make you nervous?” Remus asked with an amused look. 

Sirius wasn’t used to blushing, but he was sure that the burning sensation in his face meant that that was exactly what was happening. “Perhaps.”

“May I assume that you’re not coming for books this time?”

Sirius found himself smiling. “Yes, you may.”

“How about you let me wrap it up here and we go somewhere else? I was about to close anyway.”

“I think I’d really love that,” Sirius answered.

Remus suggested they went to get some food at a place he frequented that was only a block away from there. The street leading to it seemed all too familiar to Sirius and once they entered the local with the green walls and the black and white tiles on the floor, it was more than obvious.

“Have you been here before?” Remus asked when they were seated.

“It’s actually a funny story.” He proceeded to recall the events of the afternoon when they had found the bookshop. He was at least glad he hadn’t been so lost as it had seemed that day.

“So, what you’re telling me is, you weren’t actually making a huge devoted search to find the perfect zombie book and I was just tricked into selling you one.”

“Yes, I’m a monster who gave you my money for a book that I just used as an excuse to speak to you. Poor baby,” Sirius said exaggerating a pout, which made Remus laugh.

“I was actually waiting to see if you were going to appear again out of nowhere asking about vampires or werewolves.”

“Instead, I made an even more pathetic entrance thanks to that woman.”

“Well, if she hadn’t done anything, would you have entered?”

“Of course,” Sirius answered quickly, Remus only raised an eyebrow. “Fine, I would have maybe just waited there until you got out and would have made it seem like we casually crossed paths.”

Remus smirked and reached for his menu, noticing the waiter approaching to take their orders. Sirius didn’t have time to check the whole thing, so he asked for the first thing that sounded interesting to him. He noticed Remus almost giggling and looked at him confused but decided against asking. 

Minutes later, the waiter came back with their plates, laying in front of Sirius something that was supposed to be shaped as what he believed was a dinosaur. 

“You could have obviously mentioned to me that I was asking for kid waffles just back then, you know?” Sirius said.

“You mean it wasn’t on purpose?” Remus asked. “How foolish of me to believe you were heavily into eating weirdly shaped prehistoric species.”

Sirius wanted to roll his eyes but couldn’t help joining Remus’ laughter. “As you can see, I’m one to make impulsive decisions that make me look like an idiot.” He took a bite of the dinosaurs’ tail.

“I think it’s cute.”

Sirius swallowed and deviated his eyes to the table, trying to avoid becoming a blushing mess once again. “Well,” he said, regaining his posture mere seconds later. “The only thing I know about you is that you work at a bookshop, so what else should I know?

“Is this some sort of interrogation?” 

“Would you mind if it were?” Sirius raised an eyebrow.

“Not like you can do much by knowing the only other thing I do is drinking tea and watching old sci-fi movies until I fall asleep.” Even though Remus was saying it as if it was such a boring thing to do, Sirius found himself eager to hear everything about it.

“What’s your favourite one? I bet it’s something super basic,” Sirius teased.

“You’re right,” Remus agreed. “It’s _E.T._ ”

“That thing haunted my nightmares when I was a kid.” 

“How? He’s adorable.”

“He looks like the deformed corpse of an old lady!”

Except that he hadn’t exactly been a kid when he had first watched it. He was fourteen to be exact.

Sirius didn’t get to watch many movies when he was little, as his parents believed TV should be a prize for good behaviour and he rarely ever earned it. When James had learned this piece of information, he made it his personal homework to find a way to show Sirius all of his favourite movies. On the holidays of their fourth year, Sirius had finally been allowed to stay at the Potters, as his parents had decided to travel to France without him. 

E.T. was the first movie in James’ list, declaring that it was a classic that he used to watch all the time as a kid and Sirius couldn’t keep living without having seen it. Later at night when he was pressed to James' arm not being able to sleep, he had been sure he could have kept living without ever seeing it.

“Fine,” Remus crossed his arms. “What’s _your_ favourite one?”

“ _The_ _Rocky Horror Picture Show_.”

“That’s not sci-fi.”

“It’s a bunch of aliens that come from another planet and one of them literally creates a man with science. What’s not sci-fi about that?”

“I guess I really don’t know the plot of that one.”

“You’re not the only smart one here,” Sirius said with a cocky grin.

“I never claimed otherwise,” Remus mimicked him. “So, you like musicals?”

“You could say they’re pretty much the only thing I care about. I love singing on the stage.”

“I take it you’re an actor then?”

“Yeah, I do theatre,” he shrugged. “I’m decent, I think.”

“I bet you’re being modest and you’re actually really good at it.”

“I’m not sure about that, as it doesn’t exactly pay off my bills,” Sirius chuckled. “But you can always see it for yourself if you want.”

The implicit invitation left his mouth without him even planning to, before he could second guess it, he found Remus smiling at him. “I’d love that.”

Remus raised his hand and tucked one of Sirius’ locks behind his ear, then tracing his hand to his cheek, letting his fingers gently caress the skin there. The table was small enough that Sirius was sure he could get to Remus’ lips if he leaned a bit and by the look Remus was giving his mouth, he was sure they were thinking the same thing. 

But before he could make any attempt, the annoying ringtone of his phone interrupted them. 

Remus drew his hand back, while Sirius went through his pocket. He was surprised to see Lily’s name on the screen, since she was the only one that knew what he was doing at that moment.

“It’s my friend,” Sirius explained to Remus. “I’m sorry, just let me tell her off.”

“Don’t mind me,” Remus said with a reassuring smile.

Sirius headed outside and shivered at the cold, as he hadn’t bothered putting on his jacket. “You couldn’t have chosen a worst moment, I was about to–” He stopped when he heard the sobs that were coming from the other side. “Lily? What’s wrong?”

“Did you know?” She asked, her voice cracking.

“Know what?”

“Did you know James is seeing someone else?” 

“What?” Out of all the things that Sirius could have predicted, this was a scenario that wouldn’t have crossed his mind.

“I called him, and he told me. Did you know?”

“No…” Which was precisely why it didn’t make any sense. Why wouldn’t James tell Sirius something like that? “Look, Lils, I’ll be home in a second, just wait for me, okay?”

“Okay.” 

He went back to Remus, who was playing with a pen he had apparently brought with him.

“Hey, I’m really sorry, but I have to go,” Sirius said, putting on his jacket.

“Is everything okay?” Remus asked standing up.

“My friend is feeling really bad and I need to get to her,” Sirius bit his lip. 

Remus nodded and took his coat. “Let’s pay and I’ll accompany you outside.” 

“I did have a lot of fun today,” Sirius said once they were standing on the sidewalk, both having to head in opposite directions. He looked almost sad, partly afraid Remus would believe he was cutting it short as an excuse and might never want to see him again.

“I had a lot of fun as well,” Remus said. “You don’t have to worry, just go to your friend.” 

Sirius moved awkwardly, hesitating on how to say goodbye, but froze when Remus leaned in and gave him a peck on his temple. “Take care, Sirius.”

He made his way home with a stupid grin on his face. He knew the other issue was going to prevent him from properly daydreaming about his day, so he let himself enjoy it and pushed any thought of James Potter to the back of his head in the meantime.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Any comments/kudos are appreciated!  
> You can also find me on [Tumblr](https://moonagestar.tumblr.com) :)


	4. Chapter 4

_Sirius hadn’t bothered setting up an alarm. He woke up with James shaking him and saying that they were going to be late. Sirius told him to get ahead and headed to the showers._

_It was the first time they were empty at an hour like that, it seemed like all the boys had gotten ready early except for him._

_“You are the dancing queen. Young and sweet. Only seventeen,” he sang while he made his way back to their room. He wasn’t seventeen anymore, not that he had noticed much of a difference being eighteen. If anything, he felt more lost than ever._

_He put on the suit Euphemia had been so kind to get him and made his way to the school’s grounds. The place was literally apart from all forms of civilization, it was basically in the middle of a huge forest. He reached the lake and sat against the big oak where James and he had carved their initials back in first year._

_He pulled the flask he had stolen from his dad, he still claimed it hadn’t precisely been stealing, the thing had gotten lost and he had been the one to find it, he simply didn’t bother returning it. The previous week at the end of the year party he had filled it with some of the whisky they sneaked to the dorms. It wasn’t the best, but it did the trick._

_Not much time had passed when a shadow blocked his sight._

_“I knew you’d be here,” James said sitting next to him._

_“What are you doing? You’ll miss the ceremony,” Sirius said._

_“Isn’t that what you’re doing?”_

_“Yes, but nobody cares if I’m there or not.”_

_“I care.”_

_Sirius turned his head to James. They stayed like that for a few seconds, just staring at each other in silence, until Sirius sighed and turned his eyes at the lake again._

_“Your mum is going to be pissed.”_

_“She’d probably be more pissed if I went back without you. She was nearly crying that you weren’t there.” James took the flask from Sirius and took a swig. “This tastes like shit.”_

_“Yeah, sorry. They didn’t have any strawberry milkshake,” Sirius retorted, taking the flask back._

_They fell into a fit of laughter, though what was coming from Sirius mouth sounded more like giggles, feeling tipsy already._

_“How do you think things will be like from now on?” James said once they calmed down again._

_“Well, you’ll be the brightest at university, which will get you a successful job, where you’ll meet a gorgeous gal, throw a big fancy wedding and make a bunch of little babies with messy hair.”_

_“What about you?”_

_“I’ll keep messing up my life and you’ll probably forget about me at some point,” he said almost whispering._

_“That’s rubbish.”_

_Sirius only shrugged._

_“You know, I’m not here because I feel pity for you or whatever you’re thinking,” James said with a more serious tone. “I’m here because I want to spend my graduation with the only person I care about in this school. I couldn’t care less about a stupid ceremony.”_

_Even though James couldn’t see Sirius’ face, he could tell by the sound of a sniffle that Sirius was crying._

_“Sirius, you are the most important person in my life and that’ll never change.”_

_Sirius nodded and laid his head on James’ shoulder. James planted a kiss on the top of his head and circled him, pulling him into a hug._

_“It’ll always be you and me, okay? Never doubt that.”_

***

When Sirius got home, he found Lily in her bedroom shoving the red sweater she had been wearing for the past month in a big trash bag. 

“What are you doing?” Sirius asked.

“If James Potter is done with me, then I am done with him as well.” She proceeded to dump the contents from one of the boxes James had left with her in the bag.

“For the record, I agree, but I think you should calm down first.”

Lily tossed the bag to the floor and scowled at him. “How do you want me to calm down when the only person I’ve ever cared about other than myself got over me in less than a month?” Her voice broke down at the end and she covered her eyes with her hands. “For fucks sake, why can’t I stop crying?”

Sirius walked to her and pulled her into his arms. It was like the goodbye at the airport all over again, except this moment actually felt final. After Lily’s sobs had gone down Sirius walked her to the living room and went to the kitchen. He found the bottle of red wine Effie had sent them as a housewarming gift and filled two glasses.

“If we’re crying over a boy, might as well do it properly,” he said, giving one of the glasses to Lily and sitting on the floor along with her.

“You know the way to my heart,” she said with a weak smile. 

Half a bottle later and a bunch of nonsense talk about what spells they’d used the most if they were wizards and the logistics of how vampires would cry, it was impossible to keep ignoring the elephant in the room. 

“I always thought you two would get married,” Sirius said.

“I thought so too,” Lily agreed.

Sirius raised an eyebrow at her. “He told me you were the one to suggest breaking it off.” 

“Of course I did,” Lily sighed. “You know, he didn’t tell me he was applying, I found out one day when I was looking for my keys and found all the paperwork hidden in his night table. And I didn’t say shit because I thought maybe he was planning to ask me to go with him and that would just be me spoiling a surprise. Instead, he comes over one morning with a hangover and slips out over breakfast that he’s moving to New York and he doesn’t know how our relationship can work like that.” 

“That’s not what he told me.”

“Apparently he’s just a wanker and we didn’t figure it out earlier.”

“That’s not…” Sirius started, but he couldn’t find one good reason to defend James this time. “I guess he is, isn’t he?”

“You know you don’t need to get mad at him just because I’m upset.” Lily’s tone had softened up. “You’ve been friends for longer than I’ve known him.”

“Then how come he didn’t tell me?” He retorted with anger. “Is it really too much to ask for him to actually talk to me? Or I’m just pathetic and should get the message that he doesn’t want me in his life anymore.” He didn’t phrase the last part as a question, as he felt he already knew the answer to that.

“Sirius, you’re not pathetic.”

“Tell me how crying about not getting a stupid text back isn’t pathetic.”

“Okay, you hear me out now,” she lifted his chin so he could look at her. “If anyone has a valid reason to cry over James it’s you. You’re basically family and this isn’t the way to treat your family. He’s being such a massive arsehole that you’re not only feeling bad, but also feeling bad about feeling bad.”

“That was a lot of feeling bads,” Sirius pointed out.

“I might be a bit drunk,” she grinned. “My point is, you are an amazing person and you don’t deserve to not get a call back. I won’t let you say otherwise.”

“Lil–”

She pressed her finger against his lips, not letting him finish. “I said I won’t let you.”

Sirius took her hand and put it away carefully. “I was going to say, thank you.” 

With a smile on her face, Lily crawled towards Sirius and draped herself over him in what seemed like an attempt at a hug. “We don’t need him, we’ll be fine.”

But before Sirius could even try to return the hug, Lily abruptly separated herself from him and took him by the shoulders. “Oh my God, I just realized I totally interrupted your date!” 

Sirius nodded. “I was about to kiss him when you called, in case you were wondering.”

“You should have told me to fuck off.”

“Would you have taken it well if I had told you to fuck off while you were literally sobbing?”

“You have a point,” she said. “At least you got his number, right?”

Sirius opened his mouth in disbelief. “I completely forgot.”

Lily groaned. “Bring your phone, now we have to stalk him.”

“I’m not going to do that.”

“Well, I am,” she said and stood up. “Where is it? Your jacket?” She didn’t wait for him to answer and make her way towards the item of clothing that was sitting on one of the chairs.

“You’re going to make me look like a psycho.”

“You just had a date with him, it’s only logical that you–” she stopped talking when she noticed the piece of paper inside of the jacket’s pocket. She inspected it and turned to Sirius with an amused look. “I think we can start setting a wedding date already.” She folded the paper again and passed it to Sirius.

“What are you talking about?” He opened it and found a number scribbled in messy handwriting with the following message below:

_I’d love to see you eat kid waffles any other day._

_Ps. If you asked for my number after I slipped this note in your pocket, please pretend you’re not seeing this, I just thought it could be romantic._

The same stupid grin from earlier spread on Sirius’ face. He thought that maybe it was too early to moon over the other boy, but could anyone really blame him?


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, I haven't been updating because life happens, as well as being discouraged with writing. I wasn't liking some things about the fic, so I took the time to edit it before continuing it. There weren't any major changes in the first four chapters, but I decided to delete this one and re-upload it because I added a few things and changed some details for what's next to come. Chapter six is almost ready and will be posted this week, hope you enjoy!

**Sirius: heading home**

**Sirius: call me?**

_Remus: Give me 5._

**Sirius: oki <3**

_Remus: <3_

It could be said that Sirius’ life had changed a lot in the last month. For one, he was the lead in a new musical called _A Warm Touch_. It wasn’t his first play by far, but in comparison to past ones in which he had always been casted as the comic relief sidekick, this was big for him.

It was the story of William, a vampire who was looking for love in the eighties, after decades of staying away from humans since accidentally killing his first love in an attempt to convert him. He then meets Caleb, a frustrated comic artist whose only sense of fashion was wearing the same dark pink jumpsuit, and they fall in love in the midst of singing glam rock.

Remus had been there to see him at opening night, along with Lily, who, even if she wouldn’t admit to it, was sobbing by the end of the play when Sirius was singing goodbye to his new mortal lover having refused to condone him to the same faith as his previous love.

The two of them got along pretty well, sometimes Lily joked about liking Remus more than him, not that Sirius could blame her anyway, he liked the man very much himself.

Between acting, his job as dance instructor, and the new addition of his not-yet-but-hopefully-soon boyfriend, Sirius had been pretty occupied. Not that he had any complaints anyway, especially on the boyfriend part.

On their second date, Remus had invited Sirius to his flat and they cooked together while watching Pride and Prejudice, by Remus’ petition.

“I once wrote this sort of fanfiction that was basically Pride and Prejudice set in Blade Runner’s world. Darcy spends all his life thinking he’s a replicant, but then realizes he’s just an insensitive arsehole when Lizzy calls him out.”

“You really do get a boner for sci-fi and Jane Austen, don’t you?” Sirius commented playfully. They were sitting in Remus’ couch with their legs brushing against each other.

“I do,” Remus raised his hand and found his way into Sirius’ locks. “But there’s no need to be jealous.”

Sirius gasped. “I can’t believe you just told me you’re horny for me in the cutest way possible.”

Remus opened his mouth faking disbelief and brushed his nose against Sirius’. “Did I now?”

“As if you didn’t notice.” Sirius pressed their lips together, still wearing a smile. They snogged on the couch for around an hour like horny teenagers and switched to cuddling when they got too tired, passing out eventually in the same position.

That became into a regular thing. Along with Sirius’ occasional visits to the bookshop, in which he would help Remus, even if the helping sometimes would just turn into distracting him with kisses between clients, and their late-night calls when Sirius was walking back home from the theatre and Remus was getting ready to sleep.

“Hey you,” Remus said once Sirius answered.

“Hi,” Sirius replied inevitably smiling. “Any interesting happened today?”

“There was this kid who couldn’t decide on which book he wanted. He narrowed it down to these two I recommend him, then had a debate with himself for twenty minutes, just to end up buying a totally different one,” Remus said.

“Which one was the winner?” Sirius asked.

“ _The Catcher in the Rye_ ,” Remus answered unamused. “Should have ditched that one too in my opinion.”

“That used to be my favourite book back in the day.”

“Why?”

Sirius could picture Remus frowning by the tone of the question. 

“I was a pretentious rebellious teenager.”

“That explains it,” Remus chuckled. “They made me read it in school and I was so vocal about how much I was hating it that my friends Marlene and Mary thought it’d be funny to give me a t-shirt with the cover on it.”

“Please tell me you wore it.”

“Of course I did, and also added ‘I bloody hate this book’ on the back. Mary probably has some pictures of it.”

“I _need_ to see that.”

“I’ll send them to you tomorrow. Speaking of Mary, her birthday is on Saturday and it’s Halloween.”

“Ooo, costume party?”

“That’s about right. I was wondering if you’d like to go with me?” Remus asked. “I want to introduce you to my friends.”

They were probably at a point where this shouldn’t feel like such a big deal. That didn’t stop the fluttering feeling in Sirius’ chest anyway. “I’d love to.”

“Great! I’ll send you the details,” Remus said. “And invite Lily as well, of course. Just, you know, I am taking you as my date.”

“I wouldn’t expect anything less,” Sirius commented cockily. “I’m really looking forward to seeing you. And whatever your costume is.” 

“Oh, you’re not ready for it,” Remus tried saying, but it turned into a yawn instead.

“I’m almost home, you should go rest.”

“Mm, okay,” he replied already sleepy. “Goodnight, darling.”

“Goodnight, baby. Sleep well.”

When he got home, he found Lily sitting on the floor between the couch and the coffee table, where she was scrolling through her laptop and sipping tea. 

“You have that ‘I just talked to the love of my life’ smile,” Lily said looking up when Sirius entered the flat.

“It’s his best friend’s birthday on Saturday and he wants me to go as his date,” Sirius said with a sly grin.

“Going official finally?”

“That’s what I hope at least.” Sirius took off his jacket and shoes and walked over to microwave the plate of pasta Lily had left for him. 

“Why do you make such a big deal out of it? Just ask him if he wants to adopt puppies with you and there you have it.”

“Leave me alone, I’ve never had someone ask me to be their boyfriend, I want the complete package.”

“Even if you already shagged?”

“We haven’t shagged.”

Lily raised an eyebrow not buying it.

“I’m serious,” he shook his head. “Ignore the obvious pun, but yeah, we haven’t gotten farther than making out and dry humping.”

“You’re _so_ whipped.”

“Can you blame me?” He served himself a glass of water and went to sat across from Lily with his dinner.

“Please, I can only wish I had a Remus.”

That made Sirius smile. He really did feel quite lucky about having Remus in his life. He could probably only compare the feeling to how meeting James had felt like. And it wasn’t that Sirius actively compared the two of them, they meant two completely different things to him. It did remind him however about that feeling of instantly clicking and fitting so well that it’s as if you’ve known each other for ages.

“He invited you as well, by the way.”

“I don’t want to impose on your date.”

“It’s a party, you can mingle and get lost.”

“Aren’t you the perfect gentleman?”

“You were the one suggesting to me that we should go to a club yesterday. I know you want to come.”

“I do, actually. Gets a bit boring only hanging out with you.”

“Ouch,” he said, putting a hand over his chest pouting.

She pinched his cheek. “Don’t make that face, you’re the only one to have the privilege of entertaining yourself with my everyday misery.”

“Another bad day at the office?”

“When is it not?” She rolled her eyes.

Lily didn’t like to talk about her job. Sirius had found out the reason behind this was her parents. She had been stubborn enough to go against her dad’s wishes of becoming a lawyer and decided to go for journalism instead, only to be stuck as someone’s assistant years later, but pretending it was her dream job to not have anyone claim that all her decisions have been wrong.

“Have you started looking at other job offers?” Sirius asked.

“Yeah. All the ones that look decent pay me less.”

“I’m sure you’ll find something. It wasn’t until last week that you decided to start looking anyway.”

“You’re right,” she sighed. With everything that had been going on, it pained Sirius to keep seeing Lily upset. She deserved for things to go the right way for a change.

“Alright, enough of feeling sad,” he said waving a hand. “Let’s decide on what we’re wearing for the party.” 

“I’m all ears,” Lily said, a grin spreading on her face.

They brainstormed for around an hour before going to bed and agreed on doing what could be considered a couple’s costume. Next day, they met up around lunchtime and went shopping to get their costumes, Sirius’ was easy to find as it was only one piece of clothing, whilst Lily took a bit more effort. At the sixth shop they visited, they managed to find the perfect dress.

“Now I’m glad I cut bangs last month,” Lily said as they were walking with their arms linked, searching for the closest fast-food place they could find.

“Your costume was so meant to be.”

“Yours as well.”

“Wait, are you calling me a do–” Sirius stopped in his tracks, noticing how a familiar figure was walking directly towards him with the same surprised expression. “Peter?”

“Sirius?”

James and Sirius had had their fair share of friends back at school, the closest of them being Peter Pettigrew. They had met in biology, once the teacher decided he couldn’t have James and Sirius paired up in class and had put James with Peter and Sirius with some other girl. After deliberating, they decided Peter was the perfect third for their prank making duo and it stayed that way until after graduation.

Whilst James and Sirius moved to London, one of Peter’s uncles offered him a job at his candle making business in Scotland. Last that Sirius had heard from James, who still occasionally talked with Peter, he was now administrating the new local they had opened in London. To Sirius, just the mere idea of getting to work around scented candles every day already sounded like a great way of living.

“It’s been so long, mate,” Peter said and gave Sirius a one-armed hug. 

“How’ve you been? I heard the candle business is going pretty well.”

“Thankfully people never get bored of nice smells,” Peter smirked. He shifted his gaze to Lily, who was standing awkwardly looking at the exchange with confusion, and he offered her a hand. “I’m sorry. You must be Lily.” 

“That’s right, fellow that I don’t know,” she said and shook his hand, while raising an eyebrow at Sirius.

“Lils, this is Peter, we went to school together.”

“Right. I think it rings a bell. I’m just really bad with names,” she said.

“How is James? I heard he got that spot in New York,” Peter asked her. Sirius could notice the discomfort in her face, but she shook her head at him, signalizing that it was okay.

“He’s having the greatest time,” she said with a sarcastic smile. “Can’t give you many details though, we’re not together anymore.” 

“Oh, I’m sorr–”

“I’m not,” she cut him off.

“We were looking for a place to eat,” Sirius said, trying to ease off the sudden tension. “Do you want to join us, Peter?”

“I’d like to, but I can’t. It’s my girlfriend’s on Saturday, I came to pick up her gift.”

Sirius looked over at Lily who had the same surprised face. What were the odds after all? 

“Any chance your girlfriend’s name is Mary?” Sirius asked.

“How did you know?”

“He’s dating this total hottie who invited him to his friend Mary’s birthday party,” Lily commented.

Instant recognition showed on Peter’s face. “Are you Remus’ mysterious guy?”

Sirius and Lily looked at each other with the same expression of astonishment, before glancing back at Peter.

“Is that what he calls me?”

“It’s what Mary calls you. You’re basically her new favourite conversation subject, it’s the only thing she talks about with Remus and Marlene now. Which means I get to hear it all.”

“And what does Remus say about his mysterious guy?” Lily asked.

Peter rubbed his head and looked around, not looking entirely sure if he should expose his friend like that. “I’d tell you, but I really have to get going before the shop closes. See you two at the party?” Peter asked while backing away.

“You are no fun, Peter,” Lily called while he waved at them, once he was out of sight she turned to Sirius and grasped his arms. “Oh my God!” 

“He talks about me with his friends,” Sirius said with a dreamy face.

“Not only talks, you are their _favourite_ conversation subject.”

“Don’t you think this is all too fast?”

“If anything, you’re going slow. He’s good to you, you like each other, that’s all that matters.”

Sirius pulled Lily into a hug and kissed her temple. “I love you, Evans.”

“I love you too, Black,” she said, returning the hug. After a few seconds she pushed him playfully and interlinked their arms again. “Now let’s go, I’m fucking starving.”

**Author's Note:**

> Any comments/kudos are appreciated!  
> You can also find me on [Tumblr](https://moonagestar.tumblr.com) :)


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